I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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