last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
