my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We are two peas in an std pod
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
