It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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