I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
