The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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