she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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