I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
