Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
