I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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