I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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