Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(425): View more from Washington

If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab

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(612): View more from Minnesota

if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry

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(210): View more from Texas

I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker

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(925): View more from California

Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.

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(424): View more from California

The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "

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(864): View more from South Carolina

Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah

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(310): View more from California

Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.

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(+33): View more from France

Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??

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(785): View more from Kansas

Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.

(1-785): View more from Kansas

What does that mean?

(785): View more from Kansas

Internet is down.

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