in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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