I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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