You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
