one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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