so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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