End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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