My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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