Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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