Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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