Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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