Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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