don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The best revenge is premature balding
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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