I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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