I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
you never un-have a 4some
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize