tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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