I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
