I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
