haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
