Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
