Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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