I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
