I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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