i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
