Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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