i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
