Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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