member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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