I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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