Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Sorry my hands just texted you
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
