She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
