Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
