Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Sext me about skeletons
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
