When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize