he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
