The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
