Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
