It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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