I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
