talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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