Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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