roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
