Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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