it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I met the friendliest cop last night
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
