I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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