I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
