the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize