why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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