in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
