Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
