No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Are these your boobs on my camera?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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