just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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