My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
