I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
