where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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