Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
