The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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