Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Still dying that you shit outside
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
