i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Randomize