Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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