whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
