i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
