YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
